Forgetting - Part 12

Three months later

“Thank you so much for this Ellie” I say as I drop my bag on her guest bed.

“You haven’t talked to anyone have you?” She’s standing in the doorway and giving me a look that clearly shows just how ashamed she is.

“No, but I read that note all the time.” I try to change the subject. “What color is your contact case because I don’t want to get ours mixed up.”

“What happened to Jules?”

“What do you mean Ellie? I’m Jules.”

“I mean what happened to the Julia I knew, the girl that was my best friend?”

“We’re still best friends, aren’t we?”

“Contacts? Partying every night? Flunking out of school? When was the last time you even read a novel?” She looks appalled with me.

“I don’t know. Does it matter?”

“Does it matter? Listen to yourself Jules! You were going to be a writer! You were going to be like Dickens or Salinger! You were going to be one of the greats. Now what’s important to you? An illegal drink with the hottest guy in the room and what? Trying to get in his pants later?”

“What are you trying to say?”

“You’re being irresponsible and childish! If I didn’t know any better I’d say, well…”

“What! What would you say?” I’m screaming at her now and I can tell she’s intimidated.

“Well I’d say it was Julia who died, and Kim who flunked out of school. You buried yourself and are trying to be your sister.”

“I don’t have a sister.” I push past her toward the front door. “I can find somewhere else to stay.”

Forgetting - Part 11

One Year Later

I arrive in my Harvard dorm after the first day of classes and pick up a letter my best friend wrote me.

Dear Julia,
Honey, I'm worried about you. The last time I saw you, you were in a bar and drinking. You're nineteen! I saw you leave with that guy too. You didn't even know him. The only other time I've seen you this year was at the hospital. I still don't understand why you weren't with your mom. She was really sick and your dad and I had to go looking for you. When I found you in the maternity ward, you were acting so strange. It's like your mind was in a different universe looking at those babies. I hear you've been going out every night, parties and concerts. I think you need to talk to someone. You just haven't been right for a while. I say it because I care. Please talk to someone.
Sincerely,
Ellie

I drop the letter on my bed and take a red dress out of my closet. I pair it with some stellar black pumps and twist my hair up into a bun. In moments I'm out the door, letter forgotten and ready to party until four in the morning.

Forgetting - Part 10

It's one week later and I'm beside my parents and brother dressed all in black. My mother can't stop crying, my father is as cold and distant as rock, and Eric looks as if he may explode any minute. I have no idea how I look. A mess probably. I can't tell if I'm crying anymore. An indescribable emptiness fills my soul as I stare without blinking at the stone that marks my anguish.

Kimberly Anne Brook
1990-2008
-Who wants flowers when you're dead? Nobody. -

It's as if half of me is missing, half of me is dead. The quote was Kim's favourite part of Catcher in the Rye. She would always read that paragraph out loud, no matter if anyone was around to hear or not.

I'm upset because there is no mention anywhere of the kid she would have had. Not on the stone, not at the funeral service or the wake. Jesse didn't even show up. They talked about her college acceptance, about how tragically young she died, and even about how she loved to film her life. They didn't say that she had ecclampsia, which triggered the seizure that killed her. They never said she died because of the baby. To everyone else, there never was a baby.

Forgetting - Part 9

I'm in the kitchen making breakfast when Kim comes in with a video camera.

"At fifteen weeks into the expansion of my stomach and the delay of our ivy league learning," She announces to the camera. "I am extremely hungry. We see darling Julia cooking and hoping that there is something in that pan for the unfortunate sister." She gives me a pouty puppy-dog face.

"Mommy has to help." I say right into the lens.

"See how she abuses me?"

"Get yourself some eggs!"

"Already have, and now I have a chick."

"Very funny. Do you want to make your own breakfast?"

"Fine, you win." She puts the camera down on the counter and goes into the fridge for her eggs. She walks toward me and the stove and then suddenly stops and drops the eggs. I turn around with every intention of yelling at her, but then I see what's happening. It's not like slow motion at all, it happens fast. In a second she is down on the ground, shaking and convulsing. She starts screaming and writhing in pain. I drop to the ground next to her and before I know it, I'm yelling too.

"What's wrong Kim? What's going on? I don't understand, I don't understand!"

I look around for anything I think might help, but theres nothing. Then I see the phone.

"911, what is your emergency?"

"My sister, I think it's a seizure. Oh God, I need an ambulance! I need an ambulance!"

"Mam, please stay calm we tracked your call and we are sending help. They will be there as soon as they can."

"She's pregnant! What about the baby?"

"Mam, you have to wait for the ambulance to get to you. Please stay calm."

Kim lets out a scream louder than all the others. I throw the phone across the room and watch it break as it hits the wall. Why is nobody else home? Kim passes out and I'm crying and screaming when the ambulance gets here. I look up and notice that everything that has passed has been caught on tape.

Forgetting - Part 8

It has been about a month. Dad wanted to cut off Jesse's penis and mom went out and bought a car seat. Jesse, however, tried to run. He left town for two weeks before his mom found him and threatened him. She told him that if he doesn't help, then she will light his testicals on fire so he may have no more spawn. I'm not too sure why there is this sudden facination with Jesse's privates, but I have decided to stay out of it.

I wake up first as the sunlight peaks through the blinds and falls across my face. Kim is curled up on her side facing me. I look at her intently. She seems so innocent and child like. A strand of her hair is curled around her delicate little pinky. Her mouth is slightly open and I can tell she's dreaming. She opens her eyes slowly. I look at the clock and notice I have been starring at my sister for and hour.

"Goodmorning." She yawns.

"Happy birthday."

"Tell me sister, how does it feel to be adult?" She asks me in a phony Brittish accent and her nose in the air.

"Quite excellant dear sister. And you as well?" I copy her voice.

"I can feel the wrinkles setting in already."

We giggle and our mother enters with two cartons of Ben & Jerry's. Kim's is always Brownie Batter and mine will always be New York Super Fudge Chunk. We both get on the floor next to our mother, still smiling.

"And to think, it had been eighteen years since I was in this exact same position! Screaming and crying and..."

"Begging for the epidural." Kim and I say in unison. She has done the same routine every year.

"And to think, soon it will be my baby."

I look over and see the hump that is Kim's belly. She is attempting to balance her ice cream on it.

"Twenty-seven weeks to go." She puts her hand on her forehead and closes her eyes.

"What is it?" I ask.

"Just a headache. Nothing major Jules." She reassures me.

We finish our birthday breakfast, get money from mom and decide to go shopping. We go to the maternaty store for Kim first.

"Hey, this one would look great on you!" Kim tells me.

"Yeah, except I'm not the pregnant one, remember? Besides, we're identical. If it would look good on me it would look good on you."

"I guess so, but it doesn't look like it's maternaty. You should try it anyway."

I look over at her to see a bright green dress. It really isn't bad. It's actually kind of cute. It's a babydoll cut and there are white flowers on the bottom.

"Maybe I will try it." I take it from her and go to the dressing room. Kim follows me and knocks her head on the dressing room door. "Good job Kimmie."

"Shut up, I didn't see it there." She's bliking a ton and swaying back and forth on the spot.

"Are you okay Kim?"

"Fine. I just need a nap I think. Can we go home?"

I look at the dress, then at her. "Come on, let's go."